We All Have A Past

I Timothy 1:12-15

I want to share this quick little story I read.

“In the final decade of his life, my grandfather woke up every single day at 7 A.M., picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk, and took it to my grandmother. One morning, I decided to go with him to see her. And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked up at me and said, ‘I just wish I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive. She really would have loved that.’”

Taken from: "16 Tiny Stories of Regret that Will Change the Way You Live" by MARC CHERNOFF

In those moments when we allow ourselves to be honest about our past, we all have regrets. There are things that we wish we had done better, and there are things we wish we hadn't done at all. Perhaps it is the things we didn't do that bother us. Sometimes these regrets are small (though not insignificant) and other times these regrets are major. David Jeremiah shared the story of a Nazi soldier who begged for a Jewish man to forgive him as the Nazi lay dying in a hospital. The regret of things he had done just weeks before were eating him alive. They hurt worse than the bullet wounds in him.

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“And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.“

I Timothy 1:12-15

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We often want to forget our past. The Apostle Paul, though raised to be an extremely religious man, had a past. He tells us here that he was a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man. What exactly did he mean by that?

Blasphemer - Paul denied that Jesus was the Christ. So much so that he consented to the stoning of the young man Stephen. Also, at his conversion, Jesus told him "It is hard for you to kick against the goads" (Acts 9:5). In that moment, Paul (Saul) was rejecting the conviction of the Holy Spirit calling him to salvation. That is blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

Persecutor - As mentioned above, Paul consented to the death of Stephen (Acts 7-8:1). This ignited a passion in Paul to stamp out this "church" movement. So, Luke tells us, "As for Saul, he made havoc of the church, entering every house, and dragging off men and women, committing them to prison" (Acts 8:3). He was persecuting the church.

Insolent - Larry Pierce defines the Greek word translated insolent as this: "one who, uplifted with pride, either heaps insulting language upon others or does them some shameful act of wrong". The King James uses the word "Injurious", which as you can see, fits as well. Paul was vocal in his condemning the church. He incited people to be angry and turn in these Christians.

Though we have this self-description of Paul's past, it is sandwiched between verses 12 and 14 in which Paul writes about the grace of God that called him into the ministry. Not only was God's grace abundant in calling him into the ministry, but His grace had been abundant throughout Paul's ministry. Paul was not taking any credit for the things he had done. Rather, he was giving all credit to God. Had it not been for God, he would never have been in the position to do the things we admire him for today.

Paul ends this passage with the following thought, "This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief" (I Timothy 1:15). John Newton, the writer of the hymn Amazing Grace on his deathbed said it this way, "“Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior”. Paul, nor John Newton, allowed their past to beat them down. Rather, they realized the reality of their sins and how great the grace of God was that saved them and called them into His service. The difference is focus. Rather than focus on their failures, they focused on His grace.

Satan wants us to focus on us, because he knows this will lead us to feeling like a failure and thinking we must quit. We need to follow the example of Paul. Focus on Jesus, not yourself. Then we too can say like Paul, "And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus" (v. 14).

Father, I am so grateful that You included so much of the past failures of Your disciples. Satan reminds me constantly of my failures, and if I focus on me, I feel like quitting. I thank You for Your grace that saved me. I thank You for Your grace that called me to serve You. I thank You for Your grace that enables me to serve You daily. Help me to never lose sight of Your Amazing Grace!