Reflections on 2023 (part 1)

I John 3:1

Working in a school, I see such a need for fathers. I also see the need for male teachers to be positive role models. Unfortunately, I do not see very many of either of these. The majority of my students come from broken homes with dysfunctional dads. They either are not in the home, or they are but spend most of their time intoxicated and living for themselves. In the schools, male teachers either believe they have to act as non-masculine as possible, or they want to cuss kids out and be that stereotypical "football coach". Neither of these are really helpful in developing young boys into good men.

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See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

1 John 3:1

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God designed people to function within certain guidelines. Women are to teach girls how to be women and men are to teach boys how to be men. This used to be common sense, but somewhere in our fight for equality we threw common sense out the window. A woman cannot teach a boy to be a man because she does not know what it is to be a man. As controversial as that is in today's culture, let a man try to claim he understands what it is to be a woman and suddenly we revert back to logic. Women are quick to tell men that they do not know what it is to have a cycle or to go through pregnancy and childbirth; and they are right in this. The same is true for a woman understanding what it is to be a man.

With the absence of fathers in homes, we need good men to step up and be mentors. This should include coaches, teachers, and other men in communities (especially churches). To these men, I would give the following admonitions. First, a boy does not need men to teach him how to lose his temper. Children act on impulses, but adults should learn to demonstrate restraint. There are plenty of times it would be really easy to punch people in the face for doing something I do not like. At the most basic level, I do not do this because I do not want to go to jail. As a Christian, I am commanded to be angry and not sin. Men should teach and demonstrate how to be angry and not act on impulses. This does not happen if we go around beating our spouse, getting in fights, or punching inanimate objects.

Second, boys do not need men to teach them how to say things that will get them into trouble. Again, kids act on impulses and adults learn to use restraint. Kids say whatever pops into their minds. If you look fat, they will tell you. We say that we are teaching them manners, but that means we are teaching them to restrain their thoughts, instead of speaking all of them. Boys need men to teach them how to get frustrated and not cuss someone or something out. We write kids up in school for doing what many of the adults in their lives (including teachers and coaches) model for them. I have often heard people say, "Don't listen preacher" or "Forgive me preacher but...". In other words, you know you are about to say something you probably shouldn't, but you are going to do it anyway. As Christians, the Bible says that blessings and cursing should not flow out of the same mouth (James 3:10). Why teach kids behaviors that will get them in trouble?

There are many other things I could mention, but I will keep to just one more. Boys do not need you to teach them how to hate. Ephesians 2:3 says that we are "by nature children of wrath". If we leave kids to their own devices, it does not take long before there is a fight. Hate comes natural to us all. As we grow up, some of us become better at hiding it than others (Ignoring God's Spirit in us for just a moment). Our kids need us to teach them how to love. This is best done through modeling. Men, boys need us to model appropriate love towards them. Many of us are so afraid of the "pedophile" label, that we keep students are a safe distance. We teach content and crack a few jokes, but we never take time to really get to know our kids. We don't tell them that we care about them. I'm not saying that male teachers need to go around telling all their kids "I love you". It is better demonstrated than said. Being present, listening, and encouraging will go a long way and will come across far less weird. Over the years I have had students that I have tried to impact. Sometimes I get through to a child, and other times I do not. Sometimes I think that I will never have an impact on a specific kid, only to be surprised by a kind letter they left me at the end of the year. I am far from perfect as a teacher. I am writing this because I need to reflect on these as well. I also need to constant reminder that I am supposed to model the love of God to those around me. This includes the need for me to be a loving Father figure for 180 days in the life of my students so that hopefully they will see God in and through me and that will turn them to Him. That way they will see what kind of love the Father has given to them, that they should be called children of God (I John 3:1).

Father, help me to be better. I do not need my students, my coworkers, or my family to see me act upon my sinful impulses. They need to see Your love in my life, so that they see Your love that allows us to be called Your children. Help me to not just be a hearer of the word, but to be a doer of the word also.