I Wish I Had Never Been Born

Job 3

I don't normally do this, but you have to read the whole chapter. I feel that if I share it all here, some make be more compelled to read all of it. I want you to really pay attention to what Job is saying. This man is hurting in every way possible, and he shows here.

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After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day.

2 And Job spake, and said,

3 Let the day perish wherein I was born,

And the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.

4 Let that day be darkness;

Let not God regard it from above,

Neither let the light shine upon it.

5 Let darkness and the shadow of death ||stain it;

Let a cloud dwell upon it;

Let the blackness of the day terrify it.

6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it;

Let it not be joined unto the days of the year,

Let it not come into the number of the months.

7 Lo, let that night be solitary,

Let no joyful voice come therein.

8 Let them curse it that curse the day,

Who are ready to raise up their mourning.

9 Let the stars of the twilight thereof be dark;

Let it look for light, but have none;

Neither let it see the dawning of the day:

10 Because it shut not up the doors of my mother’s womb,

Nor hid sorrow from mine eyes.

11 Why died I not from the womb?

Why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?

12 Why did the knees prevent me?

Or why the breasts that I should suck?

13 For now should I have lain still and been quiet,

I should have slept: then had I been at rest,

14 With kings and counsellers of the earth,

Which built desolate places for themselves;

15 Or with princes that had gold,

Who filled their houses with silver:

16 Or as an hidden untimely birth I had not been;

As infants which never saw light.

17 There the wicked cease from troubling;

And there the weary be at rest.

18 There the prisoners rest together;

They hear not the voice of the oppressor.

19 The small and great are there;

And the servant is free from his master.

20 Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery,

And life unto the bitter in soul;

21 Which mlong for death, but it cometh not;

And dig for it more than for hid treasures;

22 Which rejoice exceedingly,

And are glad, when they can find the grave?

23 Why is light given to a man whose way is hid,

And whom God hath hedged in?

24 For my sighing cometh before I eat,

And my roarings are poured out like the waters.

25 For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me,

And that which I was afraid of is come unto me.

26 I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet;

Yet trouble came.

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Wow! You can hear the pain and hurt in Job's words. Job literally says, "I wish I had never been born". While it doesn't sound very "Christian", if we are honest, many of us have had this exact same thought. Especially when we are in our teens and early twenties. During those years our brains are developing and we learn to deal with a new complexity of life that we have never dealt with before. In those years, life is overwhelming; even in the most supportive of homes. Something so minor can make us despair of life and wish we had never been born.

That is not Job's problem though. He is not learning to deal with new feelings he has never dealt with before. He is learning to deal with a depth of those familiar feelings that he has never dealt with before. Never in his life had he lost literally everything he owned. Never in his life had his health been completely destroyed. Never in his life had he lost all of his children at one time. The feelings of sadness, despair, and depression were familiar to an old man, but the degree to which he was feeling all of these, at one time, was new to him.

In this season of his life, Job hated living. He longed for the relief of death. He curses the day that he was born. He wishes that he had never been born, or that he had died in birth. In his current thinking, surely to have not lived at all would be better than to live through his current suffering. Job is hurting deeply.

I'm not going to criticize Job. Actually, I want to commend him. He spoke these words to friends. That is healthy. That is what we should do when we are in despair. If you have ever heard or read the story of Job, you know that his friends do not respond well to this. However, their reaction does not negate the fact that we need friends to listen to us when we are hurting. We need to get those feelings out. Not so our friends can fix us, but so that they do not remain inside us like a toxin, slowing killing us.

I do want to point out something that has occurred since chapter 1. Remember how blessed Job was when we began reading. He has forgotten all of that. In his current way of thinking, none of that was worth what he was currently enduring. He would have rather never had anything, than to lose it all. He would have rather never had kids, than to lose them all. He would have rather never had the good memories, than to deal with the current pain. He would rather erase a lifetime of joys, than to endure this season of hurt.

Again, I am not criticizing Job. I have felt the same as Job, and for far less suffering. Isn't it interesting though, when we get to this periods of our life, that we would throw every good thing away to alleviate the current misery. We would throw away any chance of future job, to remove the current distress. That is because we become short sighted. We tend to only see what is going on right now.

Another person from the Bible who suffered was Paul. Look at what he said about suffering.

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And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

II Corinthians 12:7-9

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Paul was suffering from something. He prayed that God would take it away and God said "NO". I am thankful that God said more than "No." God also said "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." God said, "where your strength ends, my strength will pick up." In other words, Paul was going to experience God working in his life in a way that he could not experience if he was not suffering. He was going to feel God closer than he could healthy. Paul said he would rejoice in this.

I want to learn to be like Paul. I want to say that I will glory in my suffering. However, most of the time I don't. I'm gong to give a little spoiler, Job too is going to experience God in a way that he never could have if he did not endure the suffering. It really is a great experience too! God will do the same for us as well.

Father help me to be like Job and Paul. Help me to be honest with how I feel. Help me to know that you are there when I am hurting. I pray that I could grow to be like Paul and glory in my infirmities because I know that you strength is made perfect in weakness. Thank you for being with us in our pain.