A Devotion to Myself

Psalm 6

After we received the news that my recovery was not actually going to be a recovery, but rather a lifetime of treatment, I will be honest and say it was hard to “count it all joy”.  My emotions were in a depressed state.  On top of receiving that news, there were a lot of frustrations during the day.  I had to deal with them, so there wasn’t much time to process the news I had received.  When I did have time to think, I felt torn.  On the one hand I should have been grateful that we were talking about something that was manageable, but on the other hand I have an incurable condition and the doctor was using words like “remission”.  A friend checked on me later in the night and I told him I needed time to process this and to pray.

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O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure.

Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are troubled.

My soul also is greatly troubled; But You, O LORD—how long?

Return, O LORD, deliver me! Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake!

For in death there is no remembrance of You; In the grave who will give You thanks?

I am weary with my groaning; All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears.

My eye wastes away because of grief; It grows old because of all my enemies.

Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity; For the LORD has heard the voice of my weeping.

The LORD has heard my supplication; The LORD will receive my prayer.

Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled; Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.

Psalm 6:1-10

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Many of the Psalms begin with a complaint.  It may be a complaint about evil people, or sometimes it is a complaining inquiry as to when God is going to act.  I do not mean that these are irreverent, but rather they reveal the struggle that we all feel in our hearts and minds when we go through difficulty.  It can feel as though God is not doing anything.  This becomes especially problematic when it contrasts with our theology. 

David felt the conflict between what he felt and what he knew to be true about God.  Many of us mess up when we too feel this conflict because we meditate on our problems, but we fail to pray.  When this happens we run the risk of not just questioning God, but turning away from Him.

Again, David felt this conflict, but he chose to cry out to God.  David prayed.  Sometimes when we pray God gives us an answer.  Other times He does not.  The answer is not the important part.  Every time we pray, God draws us closer to Himself.  When David ends this Psalm, he does not declare what God told Him.  Instead, he remembers God’s promises from His word and David falls back on them.  Whereas a complaint will pull us away from God, prayer (even if it begins with a complaint) draws us closer to God and fortifies our faith.

I told my friend that I know the right answers to say, but I want to do more than just give a right answer.  I want to respond well to these new circumstances.  If that is to happen, I have to draw near to God in prayer.  James said it this way, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:8).  If we do not draw near to God, we just may find ourselves saying the right things, but thinking and responding the wrong way.  This would be what James meant by “double-minded”. 

Father, once again, I want to go through all of this in a way that glorifies Your name.  I want people to see You through all of this.  I know that can only happen if I draw near to You.  I pray that as I draw near to You, that you draw near to me as well; just as Your word says.